Saturday, September 26, 2009

Last blog until oct 5th

I am going to turkey for one week on monday so wont be blogging for a bit.Apparently its aboyt 30c in turkey at the mo, blisss.
Today I woke up and went to the gym.Did a mix of weights and a tiny bit of cardio and burnt 465 calories.I cant believe i used to spend 90 mins on cv machines and would not work as hard or burn as many calories as my 50 minutes weight based workout today.
I still have not binged(hurrah). I am aiming to treating myself with a pedicure when i get to 100 days of no binging. I have some weight loss goals on my profile on wlr but these will have to run alongside them.
Not been up to much today,gym and then watched what katie did next and repeats of last weeks x factor(sad i know). Not sure if i am going to my mums for dinner or eat my frozen qourn cottage pie at home. I had my lovely protein pancakes this morning, I luuurve them.
I have got to work tomorrow till 8.I have packed and have printed off a workout from chocolae buttons blog for my holiday(there is no gym at the hotel in turkey)

I will see you all when i get back!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Im off work for the next 2 days.MY OH has gone for a stag do for the weekend.I still havent binged(hurrah). 3 weeks on tuesday
Woke up at 9.30 and went gym, did my weights programme.Came home to see that my lovely conscious bar that i won from JAGS blog had come. I have just had a taste and its reallynice, my OH doesnt like it but then he doesnt like almond butter either(weirdo). I have only just realised that JAG actually stands for Just a girl! Durrrhhh!
I am going to my mums for dinner tonight and have saved a 1000 cals for this.I find it easier on 0.5lbs weight loss even though i havent weighed myself for ages. i will weigh myself before i go to turkey on monday.
Today i have ate:
b=protein pancakes(LURRRRRVE these)
L=toasted sandwich with halloumi and salad)
S= 2 ferrerro rochers(they were going off) and a options mocha

I worked over till 10.30 last nite, should have finished at 1700 so i ate really late.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Yesterday was eid(festival for when ramadan finshes)so there was lots of food about. I had no set meal time and felt anxious before i even left my house.I told my OH and he told me listen to my NLP disc before i went(i really do sound like a scouser on it), it calmed me down amazingly and the anxious feeling i had went away. The problem i had when i went to my families house was that I had to stand up and eat as there was lots of people there(this made me eat quicker and more) Due to this i felt really full and went and made myself sick.I am dispappointed in myself but i got back on track straight away.This didnt trigger a binge(thankfully) I dont know why i did it, well i do i fell full. I will speak to my NLP man when i see him in a few weeks and see what he thinks. My main aim was to get rid of the bingeing which led to the purging yesterday I just purged.In the evening I went to an anniversary party where we arrived late,everyone was already on the main course so we had to catch up with courses in the space of 5 mins.It was an ok night and I got home at 11.30pm.
Today i made my protein pancake for the first time, hmmmm it was fab.I put some splenda in and chopped banana.The first 1 turned out fine,the 2nd was fine until i messed with it and then it turned into scrambled eggs.I did my weighs program at the gym after a few weeks because of ramadhan.God there is some fit men at they gym, its deffo the place to go for singles,(none as lovely as my OH though).I did a sneaky peak weigh in after i had lunch on saturday and pint of water and weighed 9st6.This is the heaviest I have ever seen the scales out.Maybe it was v.silly to weigh myself after food and water. Havent done much today, gym then went aldi for some fruit cos its cheap(my sis rang as i was there and was shocked to hear me shopping at aldi, snob)Today i have ate:
B=protein pancake, lush
L=1 x wholemeal chicken and low fat mayo sandwich, salt and vinegar crisps (not very healthy i know) and an options latte

Not sure what to have for dinner as OH is at work,maybe porridge
I burnt 492 cals before background calories at the gym doing my weights.I love doing weights.Once I am back into my weighs again and my eating issues are proper sorted then i want to take some more pics. I feel really fat at the mo but am determined to shake this weight off and get lean. There is nothing stopping me.
I am back at work tomorrow for 3 days, off for 2, in for 1 then turkey for a week.12 days without binging(I have decided to write off the head down the toiled issue from yesterday and wont let it be a hurdle)

Saturday, September 19, 2009

11 days

since I went for my appoinment and not binged. Im proud of myself. I am now off work for 4 days, back on tuesday,Im so lazy i didnt wake up till 11.30am. I was so tired, I woke up at 3am by my period pain that really hurt, so I guess I have an excuse. I have been a bit lazy and havent even been the gym. I went yesterday and ache so i thought i would give it a miss.Today(fongers crossed) is the last day of fasting, so tomorrow i guess is what is the equivalent of christmas. I have a big meal at my mums and then am going to an anniversary party in the evening. Then on monday, fasting will be out the way and social occasions and i can really get back on track.
Yesterday I ate a whopping 5000 calories! I didnt binge though, My OH wanted pizza and chips last night and i ate 3 slices of pizza, a handful of chips and 1 slice of garlic bread.I then had 3 thorntons(from my birthday) and a handful of m and ms. I know 5000 cals sounds like a lot but i overindulged as opposed to binging.The difference was i enjoyed my food and was in control. Tonight i have a meal at my mums and then meals out tomorrow, im using my coping mechanism is that i will stay in control but wont calories count.fingers crossed. Roll on monday to normal eating and exercise.
Today i woke up so late and ate porridge and 2 slice of burgen linseed bread with cashew butter and diabetic jam, i was so hungry. My OH is at work today so I have the day to myself, not sure what i will do yet. Im so tired and want to go back to bed. I havent weighed myself yet but will do so next sunday before i go turkey for a week. I dont feel slimmer(my gym has average twice a week in the last 3 weeks cos of fasting)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Its been ages since i have last posted on my blog. I have had 6 long days at work and doing lots of overtime. Its also been a week since my first appointment of nlp and i havent binged/purged.The thought hasnt crossed my mind to binge. I have gone longer without bingeing before but this time i have not really thought about food/calories.
I have even managed to go to 2 family meals at the weekend where i was in control. Normally this would be a trigger for a binge and i would eat loads but to be honest i got full really quick.
I only went gym twice last week due to work and i couldnt be bothered to go today after being at work for 6 days. I am aiming to start back this thursday.Ny eating has been fine(hurray) I couldnt even calorie count at the family meals and went over by 150 cals last night but hey ho.
Today i have ate:
B=Porridge and skimmed milk
S=Splendips(my sister bought them for me on offer at morrisons)
L=cheese sandwich and salt vinegar crisps
S=apple and cashew putter
D=qourn pasta sauce, wholewheat pasta

I had to look after my ill nephew today who wanted a happy meal from mcdonalds, my hubby had a meal.I had to drive home with the meals and it nearly killed me.The smell was lovely.i Had one french fry from OH,omg it was so lovely.anyway i settled for my cheese sandwich.
i will post again later if i can, i need to go, i need to do my qourn sauce before come dine with me comes on, im obsessed with it!.I still havent weighed myself. I need to hit the gym before i can even consider this.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

I was right....

the nlp practitioner was a perv! he kept looking at my 34b breasts but i didnt care as i was too bothered about my session.After leaving the house at 7.30am,it took us two and a hald hours to get to leeds in the most miserable weather.My OH waited in the car for 2 hours while i went for the session,he even went shopping at morrisons for me, aaaaw bless.
My session was good, i really didnt know what to expect.The NLP man focused on the feeling before i start to binge,the trance like behaviour,the fidgeting,the anxiety and the thoughts going through my head at 100mph.He told me that food isnt the issue.I just need the tools to control my behaviour.It was all really clever and I had to replace the colour of feelings for binge mode(for me its red) to a more calmer colour(i chose pink). he then went through loads of relaxation techniques.He taped my sessions and i now have them on cd.The true test will be when or if i get the need to binge again.I am trying to be really postive.He told me loads of stuff but my memory is like a sieve and i cant remmeber anything,lucky i have the dvds.I took our packed lunch with us and then we drove back(well he did).I got back and listened to the cds, i was so relaxed that i fell asleep during it(it might be something to do with waking up at 6.30).Its really weird hearing me talk back on the cd,i have now downloaded it on my iphone.I sound like a proper scouser.
I have done no exercise today as i ache from yeserday. I have been walking like hohn wayne(my OH really did think the NLP man was a perv after he saw me walking to my car after the session,hehehe But have ate the following:

B=Readybrek and skimmed milk(now i remember why i dont eat this,its the same consistency as babys sick,I was also shocked to read the label and saw that it had only 60% oats, what about the other 40?
S1= 1 x babybel and apple
L=2 x fooddoctor pitta with qourn turkey stuffing,salsd and small NAKD bar
S2=2 x finn rye crispbreads with laughing cow cheese
D=1 x qourn chicken burger with granary roll,50g wholewheat pasta and pesto(strange combo i know but my OH has gone rugby and i didnt know what to eat)
S3=1 x treatsize galaxy

total cals=1507(i have gone over by 26 cals but its not the end of the world).
I am now on hald a pound weight loss which gives me 1485 cals.This is LOADS.I figured this weight loss rate is more realistic and i dont feel deprived.
I am back at work tomorrow for 6 days(BOOOOOOO).
Thankyou for everyone who sent me nice comments wishing me good luck for today,thanku so much, i really appreciated it.
P.s= I had hoped that the perv would give me a discount for looking at my breasts but no such thing!

Monday, September 07, 2009

Its my ...

...big day tomorrow.Im excited.I will post on here and let everyone know how it is going.I havent done much this weekend at all.I fasted for ramadan saturday and sunday, god it was hard work.I went for pt session today and was all shaky and had no energy.Its scary to think what a toll fasting has on my body.
last night, i went to my work colleagues wedding.It was so lovely and in a oak wedding barn.His wife looked fab in her £2000 dress. I felt fat and frumpy and will treat myself to something fashinable when i shake my weight off.
today i have not been fasting but i have been so dehydrated.i have ate:
B=Porridge,skimmed milk, plums
S1=1 x cauldron falafal
L=2 egg fritata with 30g wholewheat pasta and salad
S2=finn crisp with laughing cow cheese, 1 x weetabix bar
S3=Milkybar buttons and total with strawberries

total=1605 cals

I am not impressed with my 2 sugary snacks of the weetabix and milkybar buttons but i have been a bit shaky today after fasting at the not fasting tomorrow when i go for my nlp,there is no point trying to concentrate about my food issues if i am starving before i get there.Im off to bed now, im exhausted after doing nothing all day! im back to work on wednesday for 6 days(boooo).
looked at the nlps/hynotherapists practitioners website,he still looks a perv.I will be proper worried if after my session, i come to my senses and see that i have no clothes on!

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Just looking at my blog and i have noticed it is all about food, bingeing and purging and not much else. There is nothing about friends,family,work,husband.This is due to the fact that having an ED has taken over my whole life for the last 10 years.Since i put my stone on, this has become worse.and worse
I have a lovely and supporting husband, a good family network and not many frinds (oh well)but a good job. I have so many positive things in my life.I hope whoever reads by blog is not bored by bingeing/purging talk. Read my blog back and its quite shocking.Im ready to change my life around and free myself.Roll on tuesday........
i am now off till wednesday.i didnt wake up till 10am, im so lazy.My eating hasnt beenood the last 2 days, i havent calorie counted and ave ate rubbish.Have i not calorie counted because:
1)when i go on tuesday for my NLP i am hoping for the miracle cure that will allow me to lose weight overweight?and up till then i can eat what i want
2)I took some advice from ED websites and not counted calories?
3)i have not weighed myself

eitherway i have ate loads.I am fasting for ramadan today and going to my mums to open my fast.I feel really fat, nearly totm and water retention doesnt help.Either way i will be calorie counting from tomorrow(bit hard to count with my mums cooking) and have drawn a line under the last 2 days.
the scales are still away and i wishing my days off away waiting for my NLP on tuesday.I have no plans for today except to laze in front of the fire and watch repeats of come die with me,going to have my eyebrows threaded at 6pm(ouch) and then my gym today cos im fasting.I wouldnt mind the no food fr the gym but its impossible without ater.I will post later when i have some food inside of me and i can think straight and no so grumpy!

Thursday, September 03, 2009

OMG! My chunky just got funky

Just looking at my blog and realised that its very pink and looks a bit tacky. I have looked on other peoples blogs and theirs look really professional.I will need to do some work on mine.Havent counted calories today but have ate a shop bought sandwich for lunch and some crisps. Normally i would binge after thinking sod it for the rest of the day but for some reason i havent.Maybe its cos I have my NLP session on tuesday,looked on his website again and he looks like a right old perv....hehehe. I am sure he is very professional though.
PMT has made me very grumpy today, I just want to thunp someone. My OH has just gone for nights and I only saw him for 20 mins when i came back from work. He bought me a Kit kat chunky caramel.It was lovely,272 calories. and I still havent binged. He is so lovely, Im very lucky.
Havent been the gym today as i had to work over(to earn money for my NLP sessions) but i have ate:

Porridge and skimmed milk
clemetine and baby bel
crusty baguette with cheese and tomato and walkers crisps,nakd bar(30g)
chicken stirfry with total yog and fruit
kit kat chunky and bagel with cashew butter

I havent tracked calories today so I will put them in wlr tomorrow. I am so tired and am to bed.Tomorrow is my last day at work and then I am off for 4 days until Wednesday. I work full time but work 6 days on and 4 days off.Its fab.I am going my work colleagues wedding on sunday.He has spent £25000, mad i know but i bet its worth it.
I have also realised that my spelling is awful and I dont put capitals where needed in my sentances, apoligies. I really do need to look after my blog more.
Night night

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

£125?! I could have bought a pair of shoes......

I didnt post yesterday or the day before I dont think. i have been really lazy. I started back at work after 6 days off and this takes up most of my time. I have decided to take the big step of NLP which stands for Neuro-linguistic programming(NLP)- I have heard a few people talking about it on wlr forums so have decided to take the plunge.Someone recommended me the company I have gone through, and I contacted the practitioner direct.It is ....wait for it..£125 per hour. Thats mad i know but i have figured £125 is nothing compared to how bingeing makes me feel(very miserable). I rang the practitioner yesterday and he spoke to me for 20 mins, he did most the talking but he said things to me that freaked me about about my bingeing/purging becasue it was so true. The funny thing is I looked on his own website and he looks like a right old perv! Anyway,I have booked in to see him on tuesday.Apparently clients only need 2 to 3 sessions of NLP before they are cured,fingers crossed.I dont think I could afford 4 sessions. I have told my OH who is very supportive and he is coming with me on tuesday.(awww bless). Food has been ok-ish today and i have been spinning today and aerobics yesterday. I really want my NLP to work. Its funny but i told the practitioner i had put on a stone in the last 2 years from my bingeing on food I dont enjoy and he said "yes you have!".
I really want to change.I have had the CBT and talking about my past which hasnt worked. I am 4 days away from changing my life.I really want it to work and be positive.