exercise cals

after weeks of losing no weight(and even putting on) i have now got it in my thick skull that i need to eat my exercise calories. I posted on wlr last night re the starvation mode and everybody who replied said EAT YOUR EXERCISE CALORIES! i guess i have been scared of eating them cos im scared il put on weight.Iv gone from bingeing to eat 1000s of cals in 1 sitting to not eating my exercise cals, its very irrational thinking,i have however started from today to eat my exercise cals.i havent lost any weight so now i need to re think and re start.I aiming to eating half of the cals.
i woke up today and went to the gym, i was really tired and didnt want to go, i forced myself and ending up spending 15 mins there! i started doing my weights program but was putting in no effort so i just came home. I havent done this for 2 years where i have come home but i couldnt be bothered. I live only 2 mins way from the gym. I have had 4 sessions at the gym this week anyway,I will have a day off tomorrow and then i will be back to normal on monday, i know it was just a small blip.
food has been good,
B=shredded wheat with skimmed milk
L=rye bread with chicken and cucumber
D=not sure

i had a S&*t day yesterday, i had a works event in the afternoon and tried on my size 10 trousers. I couldnt even do them up, i was so shocked and upset but was a real wake up call as to why i need to lose my weight, i never want to feel like that again.thats why i will do anything to lose my weight, even eat my exercise calories!
my hula hooping is going good, i can do a few tricks now, i wore my hrm the other day and burnt 489 cals in just 50 mins. I love it!!!!!!!!!

i am getting lazy with my blog, sorry! I have been going over my cals most days but this is down to me not planning my food and eating shit.the main thing is that i have not been binging, hurrah! i have been feeling really down today,i feel fat and have lost no weight in the last few days, i thought i would now that i have my ed under control but i havent. I exercise 5 times a week and eat 1250 cals, i really dont know where i am going wrong. i sometime wonder if im the only person in the world who cant lose weight. i dont want to use the excuse that its cos im 5ft that its harder for me as other people my height can lose weight and do. I know that just losing 7lbs will make such a differnce to me. work has been ok today,i have 1 more day before i am off for 4 days. my hula hooping is going good and i can now do a booty bump. i finished work and went my mums and ended up having a mini argument with her over personal family stuff, people are so selfish!i ended up walking out and was crying in my car. i feel real rubbish now and fat. i will have to start reading the e version of tom venuto and maybe try his plan for a few weeks. my weight makes me so miserable. and it has such a negative impact on all aspects of my life,iv lost my confidence and i hate,i just want to how i was.

ps sorry for the negative post